Defrosting the Freezer

Defrosting the freezer, like marriage, should not be undertaken unadvisedly, lightly or wantonly, but reverently, soberly and in the fear of God. 

My workaholic husband has had to take some time off work while the doctor tries to balance his medication for a progressive spinal condition.  Unfortunately there is only so much snooker a man can watch.  As someone whose professional life involves streamlining systems, itemising assets and maximising returns he decided to turn his forensic eye to my management of the home.

I returned from a pleasant afternoon spent with my lady friends today to discover he had made a spur of the moment decision to defrost the freezer.  The kitchen counters were piled high with dripping boxes of fish fingers and ice lollies, vegetarian pies, chicken breasts, oven chips and frozen peas, crusty rolls and half finished packets of pita bread.  The empty freezer drawers were piled next to the sink, and he was attacking the ice at the top of the freezer with a wooden spatula. 

In case anybody else’s husband decides to surprise their wife by defrosting the freezer, here are some helpful hints.

1.       Plan in advance.  Run down your freezer to the bare minimum first.  Don’t choose a time when it has been recently re-stocked.

2.       When you remove the drawers, don’t remove the food.  Keep the packets close together so they retain the cold.  Don’t spread them out on the expensive hard wood kitchen tops so that they defrost and leave water marks.

3.       Turn the freezer off.  If you don’t do this, the warm air from the kitchen will kick the thermostat into overdrive to prevent the problematic build-up of ice from melting.

4.       Put a bowl at the bottom of the freezer to catch the drips and loosened ice, this will stop the melt water streaming onto the floor.

5.       Put towels on the floor to stop water from saturating the expensive wood flooring, making it darken and swell.

6.       Work quickly.  To this end, you could use a hair dryer or place bowls of hot water in the freezer to speed up the melting process.  When using electrical items, ensure that extension leads and plugs are not trailing across puddles of water.

7.       If you defrost the kitchen freezer and spread the contents on every available surface, DON’T decide half way through that it would be good to defrost the freezer in the garage at the SAME TIME. 

8.       Remember, ice cream that has melted and re-frozen, will not be eaten by the kids.

9.       Chicken that has melted and re-frozen, can cause death!

Having thrown away three bagfuls of defrosting food, we now have two freezers which will bear close inspection by the most meticulous of housewives (my mother included).  As I write this, he has begun to reorganise the bathroom . . .